Random Thoughts

  Yesterday I stopped by the drug store looking for some children's Tylenol.  I was comparing store brand to name brand and decided to go cheap.  Identical in their make up with and extra .02 ounces, you can't go wrong.  I walk around the store for a little while wondering if there's any candy I want to buy or if they carry Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi and finally go up to the counter with the bottle of medicine only.  The lady rings me up and before I go she says "I hope your little one feels better soon".   She has no idea how much that meant to me.  I was in Rite Aid.  I normally go to Kinneys.  I'll be going back to Rite Aid more often.

  Tonight I was sitting in the truck waiting for D to finish talking to his friend so we could run into town to buy milk and a lottery ticket.  I'm listening to the radio when the song "Hysteria" by Def Leppard comes on.  I crank it and all of a sudden I'm 17 again, listening to the radio with my friends.  It was so good back then - hanging out, drinking cheap beer, smoking cigarettes and pot, pretending to be cool.  The best part was the making out.  The anticipation of what could happen, the talking about it the next day with your friends.  It's funny how music can transport you like a time machine. 

  When we got into town we were at the gas station when a woman came up to us and asked how to get to the next town.  After we gave her directions D asked me if I knew who she was as I had called her by name.  As I started telling him her story I started tearing up.  The year I turned 17 was the year she lost her 19 year old son.  All those good times I was telling you about in the last paragraph caught up to us in June of that year.  I was in a motorcycle accident (drinking related) and laid up.  Less than two weeks later her son and another boy, both of which I loved very much in their own way, were in a car accident and killed instantly.  Also alcohol related.  She was never the same after that.  Neither was anyone else that knew them.

  My dogs are allowed to get up on the couch now.  We were training them not to, for the last year and a half.  Then we decided, one day for no reason, that we missed them and who cares if you get dog hair on your clothes.  It washes off.  I love the feel of warm dog laying next to me with their head in my lap.  We don't get a lot of company, but we sure do get a lot of love and puppy kisses, and isn't that all that matters?

Little Boy Sick

   Let's start out by saying I have become a "Me-maw" in the last several months to two wonderful kids who haven't had quite a wonderful life.  My daughter has been seeing this guy whose children just came to live with him this summer and I have to say that I've fallen in love with them.  They are so energetic and bright and loving that everytime I spend time with them I want to keep them with me.
   Today the youngest had to have surgery.  He's been complaining the last couple of weeks of stomach pain, off and on.  Today was really bad and I convinced my daughter to take him to the hospital.  Appendicitis.  So the little bugger had surgery.  We didn't get to the hospital before he went in but were there when he got out and I just wanted to hug his pain away!  There's nothing that brings out the love in me like a kid that needs love.  He's ok and sleeping and that's all that matters.
   I'm so proud of my daughter, though.  She's been with him through all of this.  His father wasn't.  In fact I have no idea where his father was through all of this.  All I know is that he was on his way after he got the call that his son was out of surgery.  I'm thankful he had my daughter to lean on even when his own father was awol. 
   I just had to post.

Blogging

   Why do I not feel like blogging?  I even set up a new page where I can post about my scrapbooking and any other crafty stuff I might try.
   I guess I'm a little depressed.  I'm tired and not sleeping well.  I'm not happy with what I'm doing professionally.  My house doesn't feel welcoming when I walk in the door.  I have no decorating skills and my couch is covered with dog hair.
   I have a friend who has stage 3 colon cancer and I feel like crap for complaining.  Then I think, why do I try to make myself into a saint when other people are suffering?  Don't I deserve to feel down once in awhile?  Do I want to?  I think I do sometimes, so that when things do get better I appreciate them.
   I promise that I won't be in a bad mood forever and that I will find something uplifting or just plain nice to blog about in the near future.  Thanks for bearing with me.
   Peace out.

Pink Ribbon Challenge

   Today I left work early for a very important event- the PINK RIBBON CHALLENGE!  Every year, apparently, men, women, and children dress in pink and come together to march to a designated area.  They then form the breast cancer ribbon and get their picture taken from the sky.  This year D and I participated.  I wouldn't have had I not seen the notice in the paper that it was canceled due to rain and that it would be held today instead.
   Braving cold winds, we marched up to the hospital parking lot.  We stood shoulder to shoulder with survivors and family members.  We raised pink balloons and pink gloved hands to the sky.  And what we felt, I believe, was this -- WE ARE AWARE OF YOU BREAST CANCER!  WE ARE AWARE OF ALL CANCER!  WE WILL CONQUER YOU!  WE REALLY WILL!  An aerial photo was taken then, and we all went into a huge tent to listen to a survivor, a survivor's husband, a doctor, a hospital board member and the mayor.  Moving testimony all, and I was very glad to be there.
   After cake and cookies, doughnuts and coffee, seeing old friends and signing up for raffles it was time to go.  As I blew into my hands to warm them, I thought, what a good day.  What a beautiful day.  What amazing strides have been taken since we first started paying attention to our breasts.  We are a nation of survivors and we owe it, to the victims claimed, to fight. 
   To those victims I say Thank you.  You will not be forgotten.  We've learned along the way and you did not die in vain.

Thank you Nana.  You save my life every day.

What's New?

   This week is almost over.  I keep telling myself not to rush time because you never know what tomorrow will bring, even what might happen this afternoon, but I'm so glad to be out of the office, even if it's only for two days.  I work with a great, small bunch of folks.  It's the some of the rest of the bunch I've been having a problem with and I have been asking God for strength to deal with them for a long time now.  I was looking for new employment, but I think I'm going to stay where I am for awhile and see how the wind blows.

   So I got a nice surprise at the beginning of the week.  Remember last weekend when I participated in the Think Pink Breast Cancer Awareness Blog Hop?  Well, I won some blog candy and I am totally siked!  I know I have Gen's Den as one of the blogs I follow, but I encourage you to look up her blog and take a look at her crafting - she's really good!  Actually, all the blogs I follow are very good and the women are wonderful!  Check them out!

   I almost forgot!  I went to the birthday party last weekend and it was so much fun!  It was H's first and she was a little shy at first but then she loved it!  I'm so glad I took her!

   It's Saturday and I have to decide what I'm doing.  Last week I put up carrots and peppers in the freezer.  That was so satisfying.  While D was helping out at the new Habitat House I got it done and I really felt good about it.  Veggies from our own garden, in our freezer!  Yay!

   This weekend we are purchasing a treadmill.  We've been with a gym the last six months, but my hours have changed at the office and with winter coming on I know I'm not venturing out into it after I get home.  Putting it on the card, but without the cost of the gym we'll be able to pay it off with the membership fee in a few months.

   I'm having a candle party on Sunday.  It's the first one I've been to in four years.  I can't wait to smell all the new candles that are out and to see what I can get my hands on for Christmas presents.  There was a contest on the radio a couple months ago and they said that people hated getting candles as gifts, but I don't find that with my people.  I love it, and so do my friends.  I bet it's just guys...

   Oh, just as a precaution to some pet owners out there.  Please feel your pets up!  We've found three ticks this past week after a season with none.  Remember to use tweezers and to pull the head out, not just the body.  Your pets will thank you for it!  

   And with that, I better go shower up and get on with my day.  Have a great weekend!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

   Ahhhh, it's October, the real beginning of fall, when the smell of the leaves crisping mixes with woodsmoke and fresh cool air.  It's also Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  I had no idea that breast cancer awareness had it's own month until this year, when I participated in a blog hop.
   What, you ask, is a blog hop?  Well, this is what I saw.  If anyone has a better explanation then please jump in with it.  One person organizes the hop.  They pull in a bunch more bloggers to participate.  They offer up blog candy to get readers to hop to each site.  The participating bloggers all state the rules of the hop, offer up blog candy or not, and show us readers projects that they made or writings that they wrote. 
  It was really neat because of course I'm hopping a craft blog hop.  I get to see all these wonderful crafts and I get so many ideas!  I love the colors everyone was using - of course pink for breast cancer - but there were so many shades of it!  One blog talked about using walnut stain.  I've been wanting to, but I haven't picked any up.  Now I have to.  I loved the way it just made a perfectly pink project look vintage!
   So besides the crafts, there was talk of friends and family and their journeys with cancer.  It was ok to talk about all kinds of cancer, not just breast, and it's amazing the number of lives touched by the C-word.  Almost everyone has someone that has been affected.  My nana was the first person I knew that got cancer.  It started out as breast cancer and it eventually spread to her bones and took her away from us.  I don't remember my nana with cancer though.  Just a little.  What I remember about her is that she loved the soft pretzels that were sold by a vendor in the mall about a mile from her house.  When we would visit, if we went to the mall, we would bring her home a soft pretzel with a small cup of yellow cheese and she would be so pleased!
   Several years ago, at my yearly exam, my doctor felt a lump in my breast.  I couldn't feel it.  They sent me for a mammogram and there was something on the film and in the sonogram.  Because my nana had breast cancer they were quick to do a biopsy.  It was benign, and I was so thankful, and I get a mammogram every year now.  I'd rather be safe than sorry.
   That said, cancer runs in my family.  My aunt died of lung cancer.  My dad had prostate cancer.  I quit smoking two years ago.  Cold turkey.  I told myself I could buy scrapbook supplies with the money I saved from buying smokes.  I could pick up a smoke at any time and start again, but I don't.  Every day is a challenge.  I'm trying to beat the odds by exercising and eating right.
   I'm aware of breast cancer.  Check yourself every month, your girls will thank you.

Weekend Fun!

   Well, it looks like it's going to be a busy weekend!  I'm going to make myself stay away from the computer as much as possible so I can get things done. 

   First things first, we've got peppers and carrots that need to be cleaned up and popped into the freezer.  I'm not sure if we're going to be able to do the peppers now, because they've been waiting a little longer than normal, but the carrots will be fine.  Because we're doing that I'll be able to clean out the fridge and then go grocery shopping!  Woohoo! I love a clean refrigerator.  Satisfaction guaranteed!

   H has a birthday party this weekend that no one but I can take her to.  Her parents don't have a vehicle to take her and they had other plans so I was asked and I'm so glad because even though I raised my own child and took her everywhere, she never went to a "real" birthday party.  They were always slumber parties where the parent just dropped them off, so I'm really looking forward to that.  Her brother, G, has been on me about picking him up and bringing him home with me so he can play with the dogs and see D.  He begs me each time we talk on the phone, and to be honest, I'd love to take him home and have him live with us forever.  There's nothing like being something special to a kid.  I know it's selfish, but it brings out the best in me.  Hugs are contagious. 

   We've got some cleaning to do this weekend as well as laundry.  It's pretty cold this morning and I'm not sure if I'm going to use the clothesline or not.  We'll see...

   And last but not least, I want to scrap a little.  I've got some ATC cards that I need to get started on.  I've got to go visit my friend M and borrow her hole punch so I can make snowmen.  I'm looking so forward to this challenge because I can visualize the colors I want to use and this card is going to be so cute.  At least in my head anyway.  I haven't seen any other cards from these challenges yet, so I hope mine are comparable in design and weight.

   So friends, it's going to be a good weekend.  The sun is out, the leaves are all different sorts of colors, and I'm rearing to go!  It's perfect pumpkin choosing weather too!  Another "to-do" for my list.

Happy Columbus Day and extra long weekend everybody!

Happy Birthday Jack

   Today is the birthday of a very dear friend of mine.  His name is John, but we all called him Jack.  Jack was born in Brooklyn NY in 1919.  He served in the US Army during WW2.  Jack landed on Utah Beach on D-Day and fought in the Battle of Normandy and earned two purple hearts.  Jack got married in 1964 and stayed faithful to the same woman for the rest of his life.  Best of all, Jack was my friend.
   When I met Jack, he took me under his wing.  He kind of adopted me, although I had both my parents at the time.  He was like a surrogate grampa.  I never had a grandfather, that I knew anyway, they had all died by the time I was born.  Jack checked in with me almost every day.  He stopped by to see if I needed anything or if I'd heard some bit of news.  That's how it was in the beginning. 
   When my dad died Jack showed up at the wake in a suit.  Someone told me I was the only person they knew of that he did this for.  Jack usually wore green work pants and a green work shirt and sometimes a red thread-bare vest.  He had plenty of new clothes, most of them still in packages.  These were the ones he loved to wear. 
   Jack walked his dog Freddy, every day.  When Jack had to have a procedure done he asked me if I would come by and walk Freddy for him.  I would.  Freddy was a good dog.  A little King Charles Spaniel. 
   Jack and I used to have long conversations, sometimes discussions, where we would disagree and be a little pissed at each other.  I think he would get frustrated by me because of my youth and the fact that I knew everything.  I know I would get frustrated with him because he knew everything and was so stuck in his ways to not see he was wrong!  I'm laughing as I write this because I know we felt the same exact way about the other, but in the end we were friends and respected each other immensely.
   Jack got sick, and in May of 2008, he passed away.  I still miss him.  There are days I wish he was around for the advice he used to give.  I wonder what he would say about the things that are happening in my life today.  I look at things he told me to do, and I am so glad I listened to him.
   Jack was a rare breed.  Jack was a true friend.  He is missed today, not just by me, but by everyone that knew him.   I would give anything to hear one of those old stories that he used to tell, over and over, because he forgot he told me already.
   So Jack, wherever you are tonight, and I'm sure you are with Stacy, happy birthday old friend.  I miss you very much.  
   I'm getting on, and I'm trying to keep the faith.

Canadian Geese

The Canadian Geese have been flying over our house every morning and evening for the last couple weeks.  Everyday it seems their club gets bigger.  Last night I was watching them fly over and there were thousands flying in groups of the same v, some bigger, some smaller, but all going in the same direction.  Except one.  he was flying through them.  So while everyone was flying east, he flew north.  You could hear him honking too, like he knew the right way to go and was trying to get everyone else to turn around, to follow him, because this was the way.  I kept yelling up to him, you're going the wrong way, silly goose, the wrong way!  But this morning I'm wondering if he was.  What if he was right all along?  What if the rest of the group is wrong?  At least this one goose had the gumption, the confidence, to take a different flight plan.  To call attention to it, to alert the others.  If they didn't follow it was their choice, but he let them know it was there.
I want to be that goose.  I need to take that different path.  Things are changing, just like the weather and even though I'm afraid to go out there and try something new, I need to do that.  I don't have to do what the rest of the group does.  I have to do what's right for me.
Thank you not-so-silly goose.  It took me all night to realize what you were showing me, but it finally makes sense...

TV Shows

   I didn't want to love it, and I apparently skipped a season and a half, but Glee grew on me so fast!  I love it!!!!  The music, the characters, the plots, the dancing.  All are totally awesome and I wish we'd had a club like this in my school.  We did have chorus, and we did do a play once a year, but this would have opened up doors I never would have thought to open.
   Teen mom I practically lived in my early twenties so I'm not so big on this show.  However, if they don't take that one girl's baby away, the one who ignores her kid and beeats her boyfriend, I will be sorely disappointed.  I think the most rresponsible parents on that show were the ones who gave their baby up for adoption.  The other girls seem to be doing ok, but that one girl, grrrrrrrrrrrr.
   I'm loving Animal Planet's "It's Me or the Dog" with Victoria Stillwell.  she totally knows what she's doing when it comes to training.
   That's about it tonight.  I'm tired and I've got to get up to bed.

To Dad, With Love

   So this weekend was the harvest dinner at our local fire department.  It was pretty good too!  We went last year and I wasn't impressed although D was, so we went again this year.  We walked over, it's not far from our house and we figured we'd need a good walk afterwards, anyway.  We try to get there early because there's always a line and it doesn't get any shorter for a couple hours!
   We're standing in line, talking to each other, when D overhears conversation behind us and totally switches to them.  This happens ALL the time.  He's the extrovert in this relationship by far.  If it was me I would've ordered the take-out version of the dinner and ate at home.  Actually, I would've skipped it all together if I was really being honest.  Anyway, we start talking about cable, special-to-us channels, and the Amish.  It was really nice!
   Finally the line starts moving and we go in to pay.  As I'm writing out a check I notice that the woman taking my money must have had a serious fall.  Her eye was black and blue and her arm appeared to be broken or sprained.  Now this woman is probably in her 90's now, but you wouldn't know it.  She has the attitude of a much younger person.  It was really good to see her again.
   When we sat down to dinner and started passing plates around, we realized we were sitting with the same people we sat with last year!  On the opposite side of the room and table but definitely the same folks!  How amazing is that?  We had good conversations and the food was great!  Last year the gravy was sobland but this year it was just the right blend of spices. 
   The harvest dinner consists of turkey, gravy, stuffing, coleslaw, squash, carrots & peas, and rolls.  Oh yeah, and cranberry sauce, yuck!  It's served just like you would serve your own dinner - in bowls and on platters - and everyone passes the food to each other.  It was like we were a huge family!  For dessert we got to pick from a huge selection of pie and cake.  I chose cherry pie and was not disappointed!
   That's what we did this weekend, but before I sign off, and this was the reason I wrote in the first place, something happened in that old fire hall while we were there.  I saw my dad.  Except it wasn't my dad because he passed away ten years ago.  No, I did not see a ghost.  I do believe in them, but I know my dad is in heaven.  No unfinished business. 
   No, we were finishing up our dinner when a couple from another table got up and walked over to the end of ours.  They were probably ten feet away from us and when I looked over there was a man that looked so much like my dad.  He was shorter, not as long in the torso as dad, but he was wearing a plaid flannel shirt with dress pants and suspenders.  And he had a blue cap on his head like my dad would wear.  I nudged D.  I told him to look at the end of the table.  I told him that the man there looked like my dad.  Then I stared down into my cherry pie and tried to still the tears that built up so damn quickly.
   I miss my dad.  I miss him alot.  Just as we were really starting to get to know each other - as adults - I lost him.  But he taught me a lot and I feel him close to me in my heart.  And I felt him close to me that day at the harvest dinner.  So today's blog is dedicated to my father.
          To my dad, with love, me...

Mothers & Daughters

   I'm one of those daughters who has never been able to grow up in her mother's eyes, therefore still a child in my own.  However, I would love my daughter to grow up and become self-sufficient instead of relying on the state and the family around her.  Maybe it's because I've felt the burden of being the good daughter for so long.  Maybe it's because I resent her neediness and my mother's too.  I for once would like to be just me and not who I'm expected to be. 
   I know my mother is angry at me for her decisions of the last few weeks.  It isn't my fault she made the decisions she has.  She has free will and by God she exercises it daily.  But she has made decisions regarding my child that I asked her to step away from entirely.  I asked her to respect my decisions and my position as a mother and I was blatantly ignored.  She ended up in a predicament that she hadn't bargained for and I didn't try to help.  Therefore, I am a bad daughter. 
   My daughter is by all means an adult.  Just because she refuses to take responsibility for herself does not mean she is still a child.  When she walked out of my house two years ago at 18, dropped out of school, and chose to shack up with the first boy she ran into, she chose to be an adult.  I chose to treat her like one and this past spring I almost had her believing that she could take responsibility for her actions (or poor judgement).  Then my mother stepped in and undid what my daughter and I had accomplished.
   Am I angry?  You bet I am. Is this always the way between us?  Mothers and daughters, do we ever get out of the cycle?  Or will it someday be too late and I'll look back and think, I should have just kept my mouth shut?  Oh yeah, that's what I've been doing all along. 
   So, I guess what I need to do is tell my mother how I feel and to tell her to stop defying me in all things to do with my daughter.  She had her chance with me and if she thinks she blew it, well, she's got three step daughters that are pretty successful and she can still claim that on her mother resume.
   Just venting tonight.  It's been rough with all this and other things too.  Any advice is welcome, just remember that I'm human.  And I do realize my mother is too, as well as my daughter. 

It's a Wrap!

I was going to write about my troubles and woes of the week but I can't.  I can't do that to you.  I will write about my highlights instead!
A couple weeks ago I won a Unibinder on facebook through the Unibind Company - that arrived on Wednesday and I was so excited because I'm usually not around when things get delivered, but I was this time!  I saw the UPS truck pull up in front of the house and ran out on the porch.  D told the driver that he was my most favorite person today because I had been waiting for that package!  As soon as we got it inside - 2 boxes - we opened them and took pictures.  It was an awesome prize!  I love to scrapbook, and take pictures, and write, and now I will be able to bind my own books for a small cost of the cover!  It's pretty neat and I'll be able to make my own gifts!  I installed the software and played around with it yesterday afternoon for a little while!
I updated my resume this week too.  I know it doesn't sound like a highlight, but it is.  Looking at the finished product I realize that I am smart and that I have some good experiences to share.
My daughter's boyfriend's children - what can I say?  I love those kids so much!  Every time I see them they give me these amazing hugs and I feel amazing after!  These kids are so resilient, and they deserve so much more.  I want to be that one stable adult that they can depend on.  Smart as whips and loving as the day is long, they deserve some happiness and stability and hopefully as they grow I can give that to them.
Did I ever tell you I'm a Fiskateer?  I just finished up an ATC (Artist Trading Card) challenge and sent them in to the challenge coordinator yesterday.  I love this group!  I love to scrapbook and have at least a dozen finished books sitting behind me right now as I type, plus others that are in progress over on my desk.  This group has challenged me in the way I scrap - from on line crops to new ideas, like the trading cards, to reaching out.  When I post my projects on my profile, people actually reach out and let me know what they think of it.  People that seem to look at life kind of like me!  Even though they're on-line and miles away, I still consider them my friends.  They are such good people!
Oh, and the weather is great the last couple days!  We were able to pull up all our tomato plants, and today we're going to do the rest of the gardens and get them ready to plant garlic.  This will be our first year trying this so we're real excited!
Yesterday, I was feeling a little down.  I feel like I've lost control somewhere along the way and I was sitting on the front porch, sorting tomatoes and praying.  A dragonfly flew by me and I looked at it.  It was just a small red-bodied dragonfly, no more than two inches long.  I love dragon flies, and usually way before now I've sat out and had several land on me.  Not this year.  When I saw it I greeted it.  If you know me I talk to everything except people.  I don't know why except maybe I feel I won't get turned away by everything else.
Like I said I was feeling down and saw the dragonfly.  I asked it where it had been all year and that I was really glad to see it.  I took it as a sign that things will get better, for me and my child.  It flew off and I turned my attention back to the tomatoes.  A couple minutes later it landed on my hand.  I felt the grace of God come over me and I whispered thank you to his messenger.  I was able to shake off my feelings of dread and to feel special for a moment.
Thank you.

Karma

According to Wikipedia, Karma is basically energy. One person throws out energy through thoughts, words and actions, and it comes back, in time, through other people. 
D and I try to create positive karma by trying to do the right thing and hopefully we'll live a long and happy life.  We're not Hindu or Buddhist.  I'm catholic and I think he was brought up protestant.  It doesn't matter.  What we do know is that you live your life doing unto others as they would do unto you.  A couple weeks ago we went blueberry picking.  The blueberries were so abundant and beautiful, and tasty, that we picked quite a bit.  We could have gone home and freezed them up but instead we took a couple quarts to my mom and one to the couple that runs the store in town.  The husband was under the weather and the wife was taking care of him and the store.  We gave them a quart.  They wanted to pay us but we told them no, that it was on us.  Just enjoy them.  It felt good to just give and not expect or want anything in return.
A couple days later we went to the next town over and stopped into the town farm store.  We bought some garlic and were asking the shopkeepers how the cherries were were coming along.  They had a tree in their yard and we had been amazed to see real cherries growing up here.  They told us they were ripe and had picked quite a few.  They also told us to go over and pick some for ourselves.  They gave us large plastic coffee can containers to fill.
The whole time we picked, which I have to admit was quickly because there were so many cherries, I couldn't help but think how awesome it was that people were so nice that they would send us to their home while they worked, to pick the cherries off their tree for our own enjoyment.  How unselfish.  How generous.  How very much like the way we want to be.
Sometimes it's not easy, and no one is perfect, but when I look back on that day I know that we are on a good path.  I hope that in some small way we might inspire someone else like that couple has inspired us.  Karma, it's definitely real and a very important part of our lives.

Vacation

Vacations, for me anyway, suck. 
It's because they come to an end and on the last day, like today, I get depressed because I have to go back to the real world.  Now, don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that I have a job and that I get paid a good wage.  However, I wish I could concentrate on what I want to do, not what I HAVE to do.
It was a good vacation.  We traveled to the Remington Museum, Boldt Castle and the Wild Center in Tupper Lake.  We spent time with D's sister and brother in law.  We picked berries and baked cherry crisp.  And yesterday I finally started scrapping.  I had forgotten why I loved it. 
So today I am doing laundry and praying it won't rain while my sheets are on the line.  But I'm also trying something new.  I'm going to try a new way of life.  After work I will go on vacation - every day.  I will wake up in my "vacation home" and commute to the office from there.  Every day I will look forward to going on vacation at the end of the day.
Will it work?  Will it shake things up enough so I don't get stuck in a rut again?  Will I start to write or scrapbook more?  Will I pay more attention to D?  Or to myself?  Even during this vacation we did more with others than the two of us together.  By the time we got home in the evenings we were exhausted.  We didn't even go to the gym and I find that I've missed it!  Maybe I'm ill...
So, I will try the new lifestyle I've mapped out for myself.  I'll check back in and let you know if I've committed myself to it or if I've been too busy to pretend.  Hopefully I can make it real.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Something About Me

A blog I follow posted this and I thought it was pretty cool so I've put in my answers.  Feel free to comment with your answers!

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My middle name is Anita after my Aunt Anne


WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Last week when I was moving my office away from my regular co-workers, but I have new friends now as well as my old ones so I'm not crying anymore!


DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Most of the time except when I'm tired


WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey


DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
One, a daughter


IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably, if I let me! lol!

DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yup


DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Uh-huh!


WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
no way!


WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Lucky Charms, but I haven't had them in years!


DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
yes


DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
yes, emotionally & physically, but not like weight lifter strong.  I can carry groceries and babies with the best of them!


WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough


WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their eyes


RED OR PINK?
Pink


WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
my tummy


WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
my dad


WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
brown sandals


WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Potato Chips, Lay's original


WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The rain outside the window


IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Magenta


FAVORITE SMELLS?
Gasoline. I know it's weird but I love it.  And vanilla...


WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My boyfriend. He's gone for the weekend and let me know he got there safe and sound.


MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach House definately!


FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Ice dancing


HAIR COLOR?
Light brown


EYE COLOR?
Hazel


DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No


FAVORITE FOOD?
Burger King Whopper Jr. with cheese and bacon

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy Endings


LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Circle of Friends


WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Pink


SUMMER OR WINTER? SPRING OR FALL
SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!


HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs, but only by people who I want to hug me.  Personal space is very important!


FAVORITE DESSERT?
Pie


STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
Cardio with a little strength on the side please


COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Hmmmmm, computer probably, but I would prefer a book and a soft comfortable corner!


WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
What Dogs See


WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My mouse! Lol! Seriously, I don't have a mousepad.  I'm using a magazine right now!

FAVORITE SOUND?
The rain, followed closely by the ocean, both of which I have on my ipod and use when I need to relax

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles


WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Phoenix Arizona - on business


DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I'm a good gardener and scrapbooker. People say I'm very good. 


WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Amityville NY


WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Upstate NY


WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Golden Brown - it's natural wood, stained


WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Black

Holiday Weekends

Another holiday weekend comes and goes.  We did a lot this weekend, in terms of working and celebrating.  We had decided to have a BBQ at the last minute, then we canceled it due to the fact that most everybody had plans, then decided to have it anyway, because some folks didn't have plans.  We were their plans!  We went shopping on Friday for food for the fete.  We even went to the gym. Not such a great idea because it was too hot to work out.  I did a half hour on the tread mill and waited for D to be done.  I DON'T like working out when it's hot!  We spent the rest of the evening relaxing in front of the tube.  Little did we know it was the last night for sleeping comfortably for a few days.
So D decided that we should stain the deck.  He's been talking about this since last summer when we built it.  We couldn't then, because it was pressure treated but it was ripe for a tan so we took a trip to Lowes.  We picked out two colors of stain that would make the deck look like a parquet floor and went home and worked.  I changed into my cut-offs and bikini top because I figured this would be my chance to get a tan.  I was right.  It took us about an hour and a half to finish the deck and I didn't realize it, but my back was finished too.  A bright lobster red.  It's a little painful but I'll be ok.
On the Fourth of July my mom and a couple we know and love came to our house for BBQ.  The food was great but the company was awesome! We had great conversations and everyone got along with everyone else.  It was totally a small gathering but it kept it cozy and no one was forgotten in the talk and eating of it all.  At the end of the evening I gave a tour of our gardens and sent everyone on their way.  We've got to do this again.
Which brings us to today.  I nearly finished the book I was reading, "The Almost Moon", and D stained the front entrance porch.  It was so hot that we decided to go to the river and jump in.  Totally worth it but we got burned again.  I know, sunscreen.  I must start carrying it with me.  After a totally sweaty weekend we went to the local corner store and got ice cream.  I got Moosetracks in a waffle cone.  There had to be a half gallon of ice cream.  I feel sick.  Next time I'm getting a slush puppy and I will reward myself with a happy belly. 
So that's my holiday weekend.  My body's sore, my mind is tired, and I don't want to go to work tomorrow.  I'd say it must have been a good weekend.  Stay happy!

Organization

Does anyone have as much trouble as I do getting organized? I try to keep everything neat and clean in the space that I have, but eventually it all becomes too much and I'm back to organizing.
Let me explain, I'm a scraphead. I love scrapbooking and putting my photos into books. I think it stems from an early love of office supplies. Post-its and wire-bound notebooks were my first love. Pens and markers and pencils still rule!
Scrapbooking amped up the fanaticism with awesome paper designs and weights and feel. Ribbon, stamps, punches and brads - all catch my attention, and as I browse through craft shops I reach out and touch them with the reverence reserved for great artists, because I can see what a great masterpeice these could create!
I've stopped shopping. I must scrap more to bring my supplies down so I can get organized so I can shop more! It's a never ending cycle, yet so satisfying. The best part is that my other half thinks my scrapbooking is awesome, so he never begrudges me my stock-up sales, or must-have buys! I don't take advantage of his generosity. however, instead of scrapbooking supplies, maybe I'll purchase some organization equipment. Hmmmm, novel idea... Must ...start...shopping...
Have a great day!

Oh the Humanity!

The news this week disturbed me. It made me cringe and look into myself. Where did our "humanness" go?
The incident, which I'm sure you've heard about, was the good Samaritan rescuing a woman from an attacker, getting hurt himself, and then dying on a sidewalk while people passed by. One person even took a photo. From the surveillance camera view we see at least five or six people walk by. No one stops to see if he needs help. No one whips out a cell phone and dials 911.
Why? When did we become a nation under fear, not under God? Now, I'm not a bible thumper. I don't believe in the bible. I do, however, believe in a higher being, a bigger purpose. Don't most people want to aspire to be more? I thought we did. I know I want to be a good person. I want to try and help out where I can. I've been known to do so from time to time.
I'd like to think that if I saw this person lying in the street that I would call 911. I'd really like to think that I would kneel down and ask him if he was ok, but the news has scared the crap out of me in regards to predators, that I don't know if I would. That bothers me. A lot.
I'm pretty sure I would have made a call and waited there for help. What do we need to do to make us human again? What can we do to reach out to others in need? How do we open up so others follow suit? Is this what we need to do?
What do you suggest? How did you feel about that news piece? I'd love to hear what you have to say!

A Quieter, Gentler Time...

In the days of Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, texting, wouldn't it be great to return to a time when not everyone knew what was going on in your life and only speculated?
I was thinking about this yesterday when I checked my facebook page and realized that I probably knew what one of my friends had for dinner every night last week, or at least every meal over the weekend. I also knew if he was having a problem, what it was, and every piece of advice from across the nation that he received. I kept my advice to myself, knowing that eventually he would get it from one of the friends who kept posting encouragement.
In the past you had the one person on the block that would look in your windows, listen over the fence, talk to the kids, and then report to the whole neighborhood what was happening in your life. If you lived out in the country you didn't even have that. Privacy. What a concept. Except no one person seems to want it anymore. "Look what's happening in my life!" seems to be the theme of the 2000's. I'm guilty myself, with this blogging and facebook.
It seems to go beyond the written word as well. Depending on the person, you might know what type of underwear they're wearing, who they love, what they hate, if they need to be on a diet, if they don't eat at all. Get the picture?
I would love to go back to the days when family secrets stayed secrets, dirty laundry was aired on the clothes line, not on the internet. I'd love to be enamoured of movie stars and never know if they were a closet drunk, or gay, or a liar and a cheat. Those were the days when Hollywood protected their own. I'd love to be able to hear inspirational stories from my friends first hand, instead of through email I have to pass on to 10 friends in order for something good to happen to me in 24 hours.
And to receive an actual letter through the mail! I don't know the last time I received or wrote a letter and sent it out. I used to when I was a kid. I had a pen pal from Japan and it was always amazing to me that my letters reached her and hers reached me! The paper, the ink, the style of writing and punctuation allowed me my love and use of stationary. I still buy beautiful paper. I started scrapbooking for the variety...
I just wish that being so open about everything wasn't so accepted. A quieter, more peaceful time - paradise. They say decades repeat themselves. Couldn't we go back to the 40's and 50's just once?

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Several weeks ago I started planting in the house. Vegetables and herbs. Less than a quarter have popped up and I'm feeling pretty depressed about that. I'm going to try starting some more and see if they were bum seeds, but I will say one thing- I won't order from that seed company again. One shot is all you get with me. The planting season is short in upstate NY. You don't get a whole lot of chances to get your plants in the ground in time for a good growing season.
My daffodils have started to bloom and I'm waiting for the iris' that we bought at the Morley Yard Sales last year, to bloom. They've made it out of the ground, but it'll be awhile, quite awhile...
The little grape hyacinths have started their showing and they should be out in full force by the end of next week, I should think. We also picked up a rose last weekend that we are planting very soon, maybe Sunday.
We have one casualty this year so far - my Peace Rose. It's been blooming for three or four years now, beautifull yellow to blush on the edges and when I uncovered it this spring it looked dead. Of course, miracles happen in the plant world all the time, so I am leaving it alone for a couple more weeks. I really have no hope for it, but it's hard to say goodbye...
Last but not least, our goldfinches are back in full force and we are refilling the feeder every two days with Nyger seed. It's good to see them, the mourning doves, the cheery fat little robins, even those loud grackles! We saw a hawk on a telephone line last night, intently watching something below her. Awesome!
So, how is your garden growing? What's popping it's head out and making itself known? Who is showing up in your yard?

Spring Dreamin'

I love the sound of the frogs in the evening. A friend of mine heard his frogs a couple weeks ago. He lives down state. It was still pretty cold here and I was lamenting because I hadn't seen one sign that spring was any closer. He told me, "You'll hear them in about two weeks, you're about that far behind us". I swear, it must've been two weeks to the day! They sounded so beautiful! Anyone who loves spring loves that sound! That first night I left my window open and fell asleep to their lullaby. I woke up the next morning with a stiff neck, but it was so worth it!
I've started my vegetable garden and have had to remove some of my plants from their little window greenhouse into bigger containers already. It's such an awesome feeling watching something grow that you researched, planted and watered. A couple tomatoes here and a pepper there and some brussel sprouts (which I am so excited about - this is my first try with them!). There is nothing like fresh veggies!
We've been keeping an eye on the birds too. We've got goldfinches back at the feeder and I'm hoping for an oriole this year. We had one two years ago, but it didn't return last year. I'm going to set out oranges and see if they stay. What a beautiful bird!
New flowers planted last year are popping out of the ground, the frogs have already set up residence in our small (very small) man made pond, and a shrub has been delivered by the seed company and is ready for planting. My to-do list is a mile long, but I'm loving it. The smell of fresh earth and the satisfaction of a full day of gardening is worth the winter wait.
Spring, you've arrived! So glad you came!

Why Now?

I was listening to the news this morning about a girl who committed suicide because her classmates were picking on her. Now, I remember bullies from my school days. They weren't THAT long ago, and besides, you never forget your bullies.

I have to separate them from the preps and when I do there was one girl. She was the bully. She came from a pretty intimidating family that acted tough and sounded tough. I realize now that they were mainly uneducated. However, she was mean. She swore, she picked on kids smaller than her, she ignored the bus driver. I hated her and feared her, because I wasn't tough. I pretty much left well-enough alone and stuck my nose in a book. I still do.

That said, nothing this girl did could've made me want to die. I was pretty horrified the day I stood up to her and punched her in the face for picking on my little brother, and I lived in fear that night that her family would retaliate and kill me. That never happened. In fact, she never bothered me again. I ignored her and she eventually left me alone. In fact, I have no memories of her after the incident.

The thing I want to say, and that I wish kids would understand, is that this too shall pass. It's more prevalent and easier to bully than ever before. I don't know what it's like out there. I never really had to deal with gangs or drugs or random violence. But if you survive without someone physically brutalizing you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These kids that were so mean do eventually grow up. They eventually get jobs and worry about their own kids. Some of them become successful. Some of them don't. Sometimes you run into them at the grocery store and they haven't changed at all. Sometimes they still look like the dirty no good grit that totally bashed you in school. Only this time if they say anything they know they're going to sound like they're in grade school so they don't. And you know better. And as you leave the store you can hold your head high because you were the bigger person. Just like you were in school. Everyone grows up.

Unfortunately, this poor little girl couldn't see past the pain these kids inflicted. I'm glad they're being prosecuted. I'm glad they have to pay for their actions. It's been too long that kids have been able to get away with murder. My heartfelt sorrow reaches out to that poor girl's family. My prayers go to the perp's families, and for the bullies- may the lord God have mercy on your souls. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Sugar Shack USA

Welcome to the north country! This time of year is wonderful! Just drive around the back roads with your windows open and breath in the smell of maple - syrup that is. Amber gold!



D and I visited the Orebed Sugar Shack, out in Dekalb Junction, this past Saturday. What an operation! The boiling of the sap down to syrup the old fashioned way was the most enjoyable part to me as it reminded me of my childhood.



One year my folks and our neighbors tapped the big maples that used to line the road I grew up on and built a makeshift sugar shack. I remember tasting the sap as it dripped into the metal buckets. It was so sweet and my brother and I had to scramble away before our dad caught us messing with the buckets!



I always loved maple syrup, but it was Aunt Jemima's I craved, not some homemade stuff. I wanted the syrup that came from a bottle that talked on tv! I had no idea what "real" maple syrup was until that year we boiled it down.



They started boiling early in the day in a large pan over a coleman camping stove. We ran and played most of the time but as it grew darker and colder, we moved closer to the fire. The mixing was constant and the smell was amazing. For the rest of my life there will never be a better aroma than that specific maple syrup cooking down. Smelling it at the Orebed Sugar Shack brought it back to me and hit me square in the gut, but it still wasn't THAT smell.



I think the memory is made that much more poignant by the fact that even though my dad is no longer with us, I can see him smile remembering that time, those scents, those friends, that camaraderie. For a few moments those memories were so close to the surface I could almost touch them.



I bought some candy and some maple cream, spoke to a future Maple Princess, and made a promise to come back again. So, thank you Jeff and Lori Jenness family for making my winter a little warmer for a little while. You not only make maple products, you make memories.