I'm one of those daughters who has never been able to grow up in her mother's eyes, therefore still a child in my own. However, I would love my daughter to grow up and become self-sufficient instead of relying on the state and the family around her. Maybe it's because I've felt the burden of being the good daughter for so long. Maybe it's because I resent her neediness and my mother's too. I for once would like to be just me and not who I'm expected to be.
I know my mother is angry at me for her decisions of the last few weeks. It isn't my fault she made the decisions she has. She has free will and by God she exercises it daily. But she has made decisions regarding my child that I asked her to step away from entirely. I asked her to respect my decisions and my position as a mother and I was blatantly ignored. She ended up in a predicament that she hadn't bargained for and I didn't try to help. Therefore, I am a bad daughter.
My daughter is by all means an adult. Just because she refuses to take responsibility for herself does not mean she is still a child. When she walked out of my house two years ago at 18, dropped out of school, and chose to shack up with the first boy she ran into, she chose to be an adult. I chose to treat her like one and this past spring I almost had her believing that she could take responsibility for her actions (or poor judgement). Then my mother stepped in and undid what my daughter and I had accomplished.
Am I angry? You bet I am. Is this always the way between us? Mothers and daughters, do we ever get out of the cycle? Or will it someday be too late and I'll look back and think, I should have just kept my mouth shut? Oh yeah, that's what I've been doing all along.
So, I guess what I need to do is tell my mother how I feel and to tell her to stop defying me in all things to do with my daughter. She had her chance with me and if she thinks she blew it, well, she's got three step daughters that are pretty successful and she can still claim that on her mother resume.
Just venting tonight. It's been rough with all this and other things too. Any advice is welcome, just remember that I'm human. And I do realize my mother is too, as well as my daughter.