Well, it's been here and gone. The day went by quickly enough. It was a weird year for me for this holiday. For one, my mother was in Myrtle Beach. This is the second time she's done this and I hope that either she'll stay home for Christmas or she'll make it tradition to be down there for the holiday because it's tiring.
What do I mean? For the last forty years I have been living someone else's traditions. I've kind of added my own, like when I had a child I had to take her to my parent's house as well as her paternal grandparents, but it was always the same as in terms of dinner. We all met up at my parent's house for gifts and dinner around two in the afternoon and finish out the day there.
After my dad died we made sure that it didn't change at all so that mom still had that tradition she could rely on and, to be fair, so did we. She took off for Myrtle Beach a couple years ago for Christmas and I figured I would be ok, and I did survive it, but it was different. I was different. I felt lost. What was I supposed to do? Should I make a dinner? Do we invite my brother and sister to my house? Is the oldest child supposed to take over? What does one do when a parent is not there for the holidays? My sister ended up inviting us over to her house for dinner that year and we enjoyed a wonderful meal. The next year mom stayed home and I didn't have to worry about it.
But this year...well, I'm realizing that this may be a new tradition for her, and I hope it is. I don't want her to stick around here for me. Yet again, I was totally lost. I was arguing with my grown daughter, baking like crazy, worrying about money, and trying to figure out if I would see my child on Christmas day, and did I really want to? We were invited to dinner at a friend's house for Christmas Eve and that worked out very well. The food was great and we weren't the only invited guests so I didn't have to make witty conversation but could chime in if I had the notion. To say the least I was very pleased with the evening and I hoped the hosts realized it. I had much trepidation about this event.
On Christmas morning I woke up with a headache that could drop a horse. It was 3am and I was in pain. I broke out the big guns and took the powerful drug my doctor has recommended for migraines and went back to bed. I woke up at 7:30am feeling much better than I did earlier but not out of the woods yet. My boyfriend and I went downstairs, lit the tree and opened gifts. I was kind of worried about what I got him because I wasn't sure about the gifts. I put a lot of thought into them, but I knew he really wanted ski gloves and I couldn't spend that much money on something I wasn't really sure of. He says he loves his gifts though, so I think I did ok. We've been together almost five years. I should know him by now.
And he knows me. He got me scrapbooking things that I will definitely use! And chocolate and books! He knows me. And yet he still stays with me. So back to tradition...
I started something new this year- breakfast. We never have breakfast together. He usually has a bowl of cereal and toast but I avoid that. I've been wanting french toast for awhile and we just got maple syrup, not the store bought kind but homemade! So this year after we opened our gifts I announced I was going to make french toast and sausages. It was the best Christmas breakfast I've had in a long time.
The rest of the day was spent watching tv and puttering around. I couldn't shake the migraine and my child was stressing me out about getting her gift, and again I felt lost.
Here's the kicker- do I start planning new afternoon traditions now for next year? I don't know if my mom will be here or in Myrtle Beach. I know my brother and sister will probably be away again. I think last year was THE LAST YEAR of our celebrating Christmas as a nuclear family. I need to chart a new course. Winging it doesn't seem to work for me, it just makes me worry.
So I'm going to let the planning begin. I will search new traditions and see where my, and my boyfriend's, tastes lie and then plan for them. It will be an adventure, and I'm going to try and make my life an adventure this year. We'll see and you'll read. Try this together. See where we end up.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Hard Times, Good Deeds?
Seems to me that back in the day, when folk's fell on hard times, there were others that were there to help. Fast forward to today, with the fall of the almighty dollar and high unemployment. Are people treating each other better or is everyone out for themselves?
I see on the news, just in the past week where celebrities and politicians are just plain behaving badly. These people are supposed to be role models. We put them in the spotlight and keep them there so we can emulate them. We want to be them. How do we justify their success if they behave like your red-headed three year old? Does it make us want to be more, to be better, or are we justified to act like idiots too?
It makes me sad. All week long I've been in a funk. I think this is why. I see the world changing in ways that I never imagined when I was a child. I do believe there is good in everyone. Some more than others, if given the chance. I also believe that the good in people can also be depleted if given enough hard blows.
In the end it's the action, not the people themselves, who make the change from good to bad. Think about it. Anyone could run on stage and yell at a music singer and make her cry. She did the right thing by shrugging it off. Any tennis player could have thrown a fit (and a racket) at a ref, but then what did the ref do? Did they go home and feeling bad lash out at someone else or did they shrug and let it go? And the guy who yelled at the president... Well, everyone wants him to keep apologizing, but telling someone to say they're sorry doesn't mean they are. Let's face it, as an adult you're not going to learn it by saying it. Let it go. Next time maybe he won't get picked for team and he'll learn what he needs to do to make it right.
There is a silver lining. In the end it's STILL action that makes the change. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. It's still true today as it was years ago. It's something I need to keep in my head at all times. This week really was a let down for me in terms of human behavior, but I know now that just because they're in the spotlight doesn't make them the majority. The majority of Americans still want to live in a way that would make their parent's proud.
So do I.
I see on the news, just in the past week where celebrities and politicians are just plain behaving badly. These people are supposed to be role models. We put them in the spotlight and keep them there so we can emulate them. We want to be them. How do we justify their success if they behave like your red-headed three year old? Does it make us want to be more, to be better, or are we justified to act like idiots too?
It makes me sad. All week long I've been in a funk. I think this is why. I see the world changing in ways that I never imagined when I was a child. I do believe there is good in everyone. Some more than others, if given the chance. I also believe that the good in people can also be depleted if given enough hard blows.
In the end it's the action, not the people themselves, who make the change from good to bad. Think about it. Anyone could run on stage and yell at a music singer and make her cry. She did the right thing by shrugging it off. Any tennis player could have thrown a fit (and a racket) at a ref, but then what did the ref do? Did they go home and feeling bad lash out at someone else or did they shrug and let it go? And the guy who yelled at the president... Well, everyone wants him to keep apologizing, but telling someone to say they're sorry doesn't mean they are. Let's face it, as an adult you're not going to learn it by saying it. Let it go. Next time maybe he won't get picked for team and he'll learn what he needs to do to make it right.
There is a silver lining. In the end it's STILL action that makes the change. When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. It's still true today as it was years ago. It's something I need to keep in my head at all times. This week really was a let down for me in terms of human behavior, but I know now that just because they're in the spotlight doesn't make them the majority. The majority of Americans still want to live in a way that would make their parent's proud.
So do I.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Trying Something New
Well, I started it. I finally got up the nerve and started my new hobby. Well, tried it anyway. I grabbed the sketching pencils, eraser and canvas and sat down and got to work. I used a picture of my dog and graphed it. Then I graphed the canvas as close to the same dimensions of the photo, only bigger, if that makes any sense, and then I just drew. And you know what? It doesn't look too bad! It actually looks like a dog! Now I haven't started painting it yet. I might try that this weekend and see where it goes. I do know that it probably won't look professional, but it will look like someone cared about what they were doing.
I chose Toby's picture because it actually inspired me. I have a photo of him in my office. He's sitting behind the fence just staring off in the distance, and the greenery in the background blurs because the camera is focusing in on him. I remember the day I took the photo because D was in the yard with a friend doing a project for my office. I was wandering around the yard shooting whatever caught my eye- the side yard with it's new growth, the trees, the sky with it's strange gold coloring that we get in the evening. Toby was by the fence with the guys, but his attention was caught by something. Maybe he heard something because he sure didn't see it. Once he actually sees what has grabbed his attention he becomes a reaction of barking, running and jumping. Basically, he's your typical beagle.
Toby will be seven next year and I am so glad that Beagles are expected to live a long time because I don't know what I would do without him. I've raised him from puppyhood (six weeks old), and it's like he's my very own boy. I know, get a life, but this IS my life. So that's how he became my very first subject for a painting.
I chose Toby's picture because it actually inspired me. I have a photo of him in my office. He's sitting behind the fence just staring off in the distance, and the greenery in the background blurs because the camera is focusing in on him. I remember the day I took the photo because D was in the yard with a friend doing a project for my office. I was wandering around the yard shooting whatever caught my eye- the side yard with it's new growth, the trees, the sky with it's strange gold coloring that we get in the evening. Toby was by the fence with the guys, but his attention was caught by something. Maybe he heard something because he sure didn't see it. Once he actually sees what has grabbed his attention he becomes a reaction of barking, running and jumping. Basically, he's your typical beagle.
Toby will be seven next year and I am so glad that Beagles are expected to live a long time because I don't know what I would do without him. I've raised him from puppyhood (six weeks old), and it's like he's my very own boy. I know, get a life, but this IS my life. So that's how he became my very first subject for a painting.
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