Why Now?

I was listening to the news this morning about a girl who committed suicide because her classmates were picking on her. Now, I remember bullies from my school days. They weren't THAT long ago, and besides, you never forget your bullies.

I have to separate them from the preps and when I do there was one girl. She was the bully. She came from a pretty intimidating family that acted tough and sounded tough. I realize now that they were mainly uneducated. However, she was mean. She swore, she picked on kids smaller than her, she ignored the bus driver. I hated her and feared her, because I wasn't tough. I pretty much left well-enough alone and stuck my nose in a book. I still do.

That said, nothing this girl did could've made me want to die. I was pretty horrified the day I stood up to her and punched her in the face for picking on my little brother, and I lived in fear that night that her family would retaliate and kill me. That never happened. In fact, she never bothered me again. I ignored her and she eventually left me alone. In fact, I have no memories of her after the incident.

The thing I want to say, and that I wish kids would understand, is that this too shall pass. It's more prevalent and easier to bully than ever before. I don't know what it's like out there. I never really had to deal with gangs or drugs or random violence. But if you survive without someone physically brutalizing you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These kids that were so mean do eventually grow up. They eventually get jobs and worry about their own kids. Some of them become successful. Some of them don't. Sometimes you run into them at the grocery store and they haven't changed at all. Sometimes they still look like the dirty no good grit that totally bashed you in school. Only this time if they say anything they know they're going to sound like they're in grade school so they don't. And you know better. And as you leave the store you can hold your head high because you were the bigger person. Just like you were in school. Everyone grows up.

Unfortunately, this poor little girl couldn't see past the pain these kids inflicted. I'm glad they're being prosecuted. I'm glad they have to pay for their actions. It's been too long that kids have been able to get away with murder. My heartfelt sorrow reaches out to that poor girl's family. My prayers go to the perp's families, and for the bullies- may the lord God have mercy on your souls. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Sugar Shack USA

Welcome to the north country! This time of year is wonderful! Just drive around the back roads with your windows open and breath in the smell of maple - syrup that is. Amber gold!



D and I visited the Orebed Sugar Shack, out in Dekalb Junction, this past Saturday. What an operation! The boiling of the sap down to syrup the old fashioned way was the most enjoyable part to me as it reminded me of my childhood.



One year my folks and our neighbors tapped the big maples that used to line the road I grew up on and built a makeshift sugar shack. I remember tasting the sap as it dripped into the metal buckets. It was so sweet and my brother and I had to scramble away before our dad caught us messing with the buckets!



I always loved maple syrup, but it was Aunt Jemima's I craved, not some homemade stuff. I wanted the syrup that came from a bottle that talked on tv! I had no idea what "real" maple syrup was until that year we boiled it down.



They started boiling early in the day in a large pan over a coleman camping stove. We ran and played most of the time but as it grew darker and colder, we moved closer to the fire. The mixing was constant and the smell was amazing. For the rest of my life there will never be a better aroma than that specific maple syrup cooking down. Smelling it at the Orebed Sugar Shack brought it back to me and hit me square in the gut, but it still wasn't THAT smell.



I think the memory is made that much more poignant by the fact that even though my dad is no longer with us, I can see him smile remembering that time, those scents, those friends, that camaraderie. For a few moments those memories were so close to the surface I could almost touch them.



I bought some candy and some maple cream, spoke to a future Maple Princess, and made a promise to come back again. So, thank you Jeff and Lori Jenness family for making my winter a little warmer for a little while. You not only make maple products, you make memories.

Christmas 2009

Well, it's been here and gone. The day went by quickly enough. It was a weird year for me for this holiday. For one, my mother was in Myrtle Beach. This is the second time she's done this and I hope that either she'll stay home for Christmas or she'll make it tradition to be down there for the holiday because it's tiring.

What do I mean? For the last forty years I have been living someone else's traditions. I've kind of added my own, like when I had a child I had to take her to my parent's house as well as her paternal grandparents, but it was always the same as in terms of dinner. We all met up at my parent's house for gifts and dinner around two in the afternoon and finish out the day there.

After my dad died we made sure that it didn't change at all so that mom still had that tradition she could rely on and, to be fair, so did we. She took off for Myrtle Beach a couple years ago for Christmas and I figured I would be ok, and I did survive it, but it was different. I was different. I felt lost. What was I supposed to do? Should I make a dinner? Do we invite my brother and sister to my house? Is the oldest child supposed to take over? What does one do when a parent is not there for the holidays? My sister ended up inviting us over to her house for dinner that year and we enjoyed a wonderful meal. The next year mom stayed home and I didn't have to worry about it.

But this year...well, I'm realizing that this may be a new tradition for her, and I hope it is. I don't want her to stick around here for me. Yet again, I was totally lost. I was arguing with my grown daughter, baking like crazy, worrying about money, and trying to figure out if I would see my child on Christmas day, and did I really want to? We were invited to dinner at a friend's house for Christmas Eve and that worked out very well. The food was great and we weren't the only invited guests so I didn't have to make witty conversation but could chime in if I had the notion. To say the least I was very pleased with the evening and I hoped the hosts realized it. I had much trepidation about this event.

On Christmas morning I woke up with a headache that could drop a horse. It was 3am and I was in pain. I broke out the big guns and took the powerful drug my doctor has recommended for migraines and went back to bed. I woke up at 7:30am feeling much better than I did earlier but not out of the woods yet. My boyfriend and I went downstairs, lit the tree and opened gifts. I was kind of worried about what I got him because I wasn't sure about the gifts. I put a lot of thought into them, but I knew he really wanted ski gloves and I couldn't spend that much money on something I wasn't really sure of. He says he loves his gifts though, so I think I did ok. We've been together almost five years. I should know him by now.

And he knows me. He got me scrapbooking things that I will definitely use! And chocolate and books! He knows me. And yet he still stays with me. So back to tradition...

I started something new this year- breakfast. We never have breakfast together. He usually has a bowl of cereal and toast but I avoid that. I've been wanting french toast for awhile and we just got maple syrup, not the store bought kind but homemade! So this year after we opened our gifts I announced I was going to make french toast and sausages. It was the best Christmas breakfast I've had in a long time.

The rest of the day was spent watching tv and puttering around. I couldn't shake the migraine and my child was stressing me out about getting her gift, and again I felt lost.

Here's the kicker- do I start planning new afternoon traditions now for next year? I don't know if my mom will be here or in Myrtle Beach. I know my brother and sister will probably be away again. I think last year was THE LAST YEAR of our celebrating Christmas as a nuclear family. I need to chart a new course. Winging it doesn't seem to work for me, it just makes me worry.

So I'm going to let the planning begin. I will search new traditions and see where my, and my boyfriend's, tastes lie and then plan for them. It will be an adventure, and I'm going to try and make my life an adventure this year. We'll see and you'll read. Try this together. See where we end up.